Monday morning and the start of a new week. I came back from a week’s holiday in Paris late on Friday, and have spent the weekend recovering. I enjoyed my time away – lots – but I don’t travel well. I get very tired and pretty cranky and fractious and it takes me a couple of days to sleep enough to get over it. (Total achieved this weekend over 3 nights: 37 hours – and yes now I feel normal again!)

Mainly due to my tiredness, I found myself feeling a bit despondent this weekend. Unusually for me, I felt old! (At the ripe old age of nearly 32…) And I also felt like I had lost all motivation. All of it. That I would never want to sit down at my computer and do any more work ever again. (I knew with patience, and sleep, that would pass.) And also, and this is a hard one to admit to, now I find the words appearing as I type, also I felt I have momentarily lost my sense of direction. In my business I mean. I guess without even quite realising how much, I have been processing and reassessing a lot of things lately, partly through the coaching sessions I am having with Meg Ward of Transform Coaching, partly through my own pondering and reading.

Things like, how much money do I *actually* want to be making? Everywhere the message to entrepreneurs is that the sky’s the limit and that a six-figure income is the target to aim for, and grow from there. But actually, do I? Do I really? No. Letting go of that illusory target, and finding out what would actually work for me, is leading to a shift in perspective. Less pressure. Less wants. Less needs. And something else to ponder along the same vein: can I run a business completely free of overheads? Possibly not, but I want to find out how close I can get.

Talking of wants… I want to write a book.  That came, out of the blue, from my first session with Meg. And yes, that feels right. No, I don’t know what it’s going to be, yet. I’m waiting to see what unfolds. But I do want to be a writer, blogger, call it what you will. Quietly sharing what I am. The thought if it makes my heart sing. Writing my blog, my newsletter, guestposting on other blogs, writing articles… all that is *right*. I am about to take the next step. I am waiting to see what direction that is going to be in.

Whatever I do, I want to keep sharing all I can and all I know, for other people to live an authentic life, run a heart-centered business. These catchphrases are everwhere at the moment. I may sound like I have jumped on the bandwagon. (I was going to say I don’t care, but actually I do, a bit. Oh well.) I am striving to live, and make a living, being true to who I am; with honesty and integrity; endeavouring to do only things that bring me joy, so that I am relaxed and have fun and am happier (and incidentally am much nicer to be around and live with than the stress-bunny I know I can be.) That means I want to carry on with the business creative wizardry, and work with enlightened and enlightening, laughter-filled souls who are blossoming into their true selves. (A touch of woowoo for you there!)

So where am I going with all of this? I don’t know, that’s the point.

I know from experience that when I’m feeling stuck, it means I’m on the verge of a breakthrough. So I’m waiting for unstuckness to happen. Cultivating patience. Trusting, and trying not to give in to doubt, that all will become clear soon. This morning’s Note From The Universe was spot on: “Sometimes it just sneaks up on you. You don’t even see it coming. (…) if you were to think about it, you wouldn’t know what’s gotten into you, not would you recall just when. You’d only shake your head whenever you thought of how quickly everything can change… Just something to remember the next time you don’t see something coming.”

So while I’m waiting and watching for the lightbulb moments, life goes on. The 2011 Moon Diary I have been working on for the past few months is coming along very nicely, and this week is the final push before it is out of our hands and on to other people to do what they do best. It figures prominently in my plan for this week, while I sit with stuckness. And faith. Trust. Enjoyment… maybe, I’ll try.

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