Archive for September, 2010

For those of you who subscribe to this blog by email, it seems my post from Wednesday last week (The Time Experiment, on 22nd September) got resent last night. Interesting, and mysterious. I wasn’t, like, trying to make a point by sending it out twice or anything!

There’s no pictures in this post. It took a lot for me to write it and I couldn’t think of what would be suitable to illustrate it. So for once I leave you with just my words. (Just typed “world” by accident. That, too.)

I had a telephone conversation with my friend Alyson yesterday. Aly is a great yoga teacher, and also a talented writer.

The background is this. I have been pondering the “what’s my story?” question for the past few weeks, because it’s something I need and would like to share (on the about page on the website, for press releases, etc) but it’s also the hardest for me to tell. I don’t find myself particularly interesting, because I’ve lived with myself all my life and I’m used to me! So I thought I’d ask someone else to interview me.

Hence. Talking to Aly. Well, did I ever get more than I had bargained for! ;-p

One of the questions Aly raised was: “You are the Queen of Amazing Possibilities. Your brightness and positivity shines through all your writing, your website, your blog. Your light is shared with the world, easy for all to see. So… Where is your darkness?”

Ow.

I resented that question. I briefly asked myself why I’d agreed to this interview before I remembered that I’d actually requested it. The fear was strong. Eventually I shared with Aly some of the unhappy, painful things I keep hidden away inside. I thought I had integrated them and dealt with them; after all, they are what have led me and keep pushing me forward on my path of self-discovery. They have given me my capacity for deep empathy. I know pain, I can see it in others, they can see that I see it with compassion. I don’t like to talk about the things, because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I’m not a victim, and I accept they’re inside and move on. So it’s all alright and sorted… right?

Except it’s so not. And right now, with the Moon Diary still very much in the picture, and the In Search Of Time project about to launch, right now is not when I want to have to start delving deep and facing the fear of sharing my pain.

But right now is when it’s going to happen, because some things you don’t choose, and deep down I believe that everything happens when it needs to. So on my tweaked “about” page, item 5 is a tentative step in that direction. That’s all I can manage for now.

Wow, well, this time last week I felt well and truly stuck, although I did realise even at the time that it was a good thing and that I needed to allow the process to happen – incidentally, Lisa over at Zen At Play calls it incubating in her latest blog post, in a nice occurrence of serendipity!

And this week, where am I?! I mentioned The Time Thing last week (we didn’t have a name yet). I’m teaming up with Meg of Transform Coaching to go ‘In Search Of Time‘. It’s a huge, exciting, 8-week online project, there will be all sorts of goodies – weekly teleseminars and Q&A sessions, daily and weekly blogs, interviews, guest posts, worksheets and forum. We will be exploring how we relate to time and why we don’t seem to get to do what we want with it! I know I don’t – that’s why I’m embarking on this public exploration. Along the way we want to gather a community with which to share the process so that other people can join us and take part in the fun!

YOU’RE INVITED.

It’ll cost £30 to take part. Thirty squid! A snip, really, for 8 weeks’ worth of everything listed above. And… we start in 3 weeks. Yup, THREE WEEKS. We’re setting up the website as we speak. It’s a huge, fun, exhilarating, inspiring, crazy-ass project. We have no time at all to get it going. We’re being completely, deliberately unreasonable. We’re going to need your help to spread the word – but not quite yet. Let us get the website sorted, first. So yeah, watch this space!

Erm, in other news: I have finished putting together the words for the 2011 Moon Diary. It’s going to be designed and prettyfied by Caroline Duffy, graphic designer extraordinaire. Then it will go to print, and then we will have the most amazeballs diaries for sale for a mere £13.99 (to be confirmed – but most likely), which is less than half than the “In Search Of Time” project, and a daily companion throughout the year. Great content (I did it myself), top value. So when you look at it like that, it would be rude not to, I think you’ll agree.

Keep an eye out for it on this here blog, of just wait for me to start jumping up and down and hollering about the fresh-off-the-press copies I will be having soon. (And you may point and laugh, but only if you buy a copy. Deal?)

Wow I’m going mad with blogging this week – 4th post! Watch me go…

No, seriously, I just wanted to do a quick post to let y’all know about a ten week well-being programme that starts next week. This is for those of you who live in Cardiff. Emma Jones – I mention her a lot, don’t I? it’s because she’s so good at what she does, and very very nice too – and Chris Robbins (equally lovely, he is, too) are starting it off on Tuesday 28th September. In their own words:

Each week you willbe coached to integrate an area of transformational wellbeing into your life, including detoxing and cleansing, juicing and raw foods, special health techniques, creating your personal wellbeing goals and personal philosophy, utilising the power of nutrition, weight loss the easy way, and supercharging your wellbeing with superfoods.

This WILL change your life, and it’ll be fun too. I would be on it if I weren’t just about to launch the hell out of a new programme of my own (yes, the time thing!) and do lots of other business stuff in the coming weeks too. (I said I was stuck earlier this week? No longer – I didn’t notice when the shift came but I’m in full flow again!) Emma and Chris are likely to run the programme again in the new year (and I will be on it then!) but if you do it now you will feel amazing in time for Christmas and starting 2011!

All the info you need is here on the naturaldoctors.co.uk website. Do it. You will wish you’d done it sooner.

I’ve been invited by Matt Harwood to guest post at the Passion Living blog. As a regular thing. (Woo!) I like Matt, he’s sound. He knows stuff about technology I don’t know (that’s not hard, though). But mostly, he’s got his head screwed on right and is an all round good egg.

So, to kick off in style: do you know Dr Seuss’ poem ‘Oh, The Places You’ll Go…’? No? Well, go read my blog post about it. It talks about brains, and shoes, and little boys and there’s something to listen to. Check it out. (Or else.) x

I don’t know about you but I never have enough time to do everything I would like to. Part of it has to do with me wanting to do *so* many things – I’m inquisitive and up for trying all sorts of new things (within reason!). I’m also constantly having ideas bubbling away in my little brain of things I could, and would like to, do.

The problem is, there aren’t enough hours in the day! Off the top of my head, now… I want to do arts (and some crafts) as hobbies. I really enjoy drawing and the peace it brings to my mind and I have several projects I want to work on. I recently discovered felting and I would like to do more, I have a piece planned in my head that I would like to make. I have a pile of mending to pick away at (that might not sound very arts and craftsy but I enjoy sitting for an hour with needle and thread). I have egg shells which I have hollowed already and which I want to paint. I am designing a new tattoo which is still at the preliminary stages and has been for the past two years! The garden creeps up on me too, I was looking at it this morning and the weeds are high; I would like a couple of hours to tidy it up. I have a pile of books to read, mostly non-fiction, therapies, lifestyle, self-improvement books, and the pile is growing. (And staring at me!) I also have my friend’s screenplay to read – it’s been saved to my desktop for weeks, waiting for me to get round to it. I would like to have a big tidy and declutter of my possessions (that would take a few days). And this is all non-work stuff (except maybe the books).

Work-wise, I’m not bad at prioritising and getting things done. But I do give over 85% of my time to work. (Yup, that’s 6 days out of 7.) Because I run my own business, you see, and I’m passionate and committed to what I do, so it’s natural that the boundaries are somewhat blurred between work time and play time. Still, in my 15% (yikes! I have only just done the calculation for the purpose of this blog post and it has thrown the disproportion into sharp relief), I want to do… ALL THAT (points at list above). So, only one way to do it.

Make more time.

I want to claw back a whole day from my working week, for my non-working list. How am I going to do that? Well, my friend Meg (who is a creativity coach and blogs at Transform Coaching, incidentally) and I are going to do it together. What’s more, we are going to do it…

PUBLICLY.

Yup, you heard me. We’re going to put ourselves on the line and share our thoughts, blocks, trials, tribulations, solutions, victories and outcomes.

And I would like to invite you to join us.

Everyone will have a different time goal. Meg’s is different from mine. But the point is that all together we can experiment and support each other in achieving a better mastery of time and more fulfilling lives, help each other through the process with advice and suggestions, and celebrate the successes.

We will be starting soon. Like, in a few weeks. There will be live conversations. There will be online discussions. There will be tools and worksheets, there will be a daily blog diary, there will be all sorts. Keep your eyes peeled for further announcements (it will have a jazzy name by the way, we’re working on it. Or maybe just The Time Experiment, we’ll see).

And in the meantime, have a little think :

What would *you* like more time for?

Monday morning and the start of a new week. I came back from a week’s holiday in Paris late on Friday, and have spent the weekend recovering. I enjoyed my time away – lots – but I don’t travel well. I get very tired and pretty cranky and fractious and it takes me a couple of days to sleep enough to get over it. (Total achieved this weekend over 3 nights: 37 hours – and yes now I feel normal again!)

Mainly due to my tiredness, I found myself feeling a bit despondent this weekend. Unusually for me, I felt old! (At the ripe old age of nearly 32…) And I also felt like I had lost all motivation. All of it. That I would never want to sit down at my computer and do any more work ever again. (I knew with patience, and sleep, that would pass.) And also, and this is a hard one to admit to, now I find the words appearing as I type, also I felt I have momentarily lost my sense of direction. In my business I mean. I guess without even quite realising how much, I have been processing and reassessing a lot of things lately, partly through the coaching sessions I am having with Meg Ward of Transform Coaching, partly through my own pondering and reading.

Things like, how much money do I *actually* want to be making? Everywhere the message to entrepreneurs is that the sky’s the limit and that a six-figure income is the target to aim for, and grow from there. But actually, do I? Do I really? No. Letting go of that illusory target, and finding out what would actually work for me, is leading to a shift in perspective. Less pressure. Less wants. Less needs. And something else to ponder along the same vein: can I run a business completely free of overheads? Possibly not, but I want to find out how close I can get.

Talking of wants… I want to write a book.  That came, out of the blue, from my first session with Meg. And yes, that feels right. No, I don’t know what it’s going to be, yet. I’m waiting to see what unfolds. But I do want to be a writer, blogger, call it what you will. Quietly sharing what I am. The thought if it makes my heart sing. Writing my blog, my newsletter, guestposting on other blogs, writing articles… all that is *right*. I am about to take the next step. I am waiting to see what direction that is going to be in.

Whatever I do, I want to keep sharing all I can and all I know, for other people to live an authentic life, run a heart-centered business. These catchphrases are everwhere at the moment. I may sound like I have jumped on the bandwagon. (I was going to say I don’t care, but actually I do, a bit. Oh well.) I am striving to live, and make a living, being true to who I am; with honesty and integrity; endeavouring to do only things that bring me joy, so that I am relaxed and have fun and am happier (and incidentally am much nicer to be around and live with than the stress-bunny I know I can be.) That means I want to carry on with the business creative wizardry, and work with enlightened and enlightening, laughter-filled souls who are blossoming into their true selves. (A touch of woowoo for you there!)

So where am I going with all of this? I don’t know, that’s the point.

I know from experience that when I’m feeling stuck, it means I’m on the verge of a breakthrough. So I’m waiting for unstuckness to happen. Cultivating patience. Trusting, and trying not to give in to doubt, that all will become clear soon. This morning’s Note From The Universe was spot on: “Sometimes it just sneaks up on you. You don’t even see it coming. (…) if you were to think about it, you wouldn’t know what’s gotten into you, not would you recall just when. You’d only shake your head whenever you thought of how quickly everything can change… Just something to remember the next time you don’t see something coming.”

So while I’m waiting and watching for the lightbulb moments, life goes on. The 2011 Moon Diary I have been working on for the past few months is coming along very nicely, and this week is the final push before it is out of our hands and on to other people to do what they do best. It figures prominently in my plan for this week, while I sit with stuckness. And faith. Trust. Enjoyment… maybe, I’ll try.

I am away on holiday, still. I have not broken the promise I have made to myself to not go near a computer. (Well, I hope I haven’t. Because I’m writing this before going on holiday as if I’m in the future. That should be an incentive to not break the promise, since I have just told people I have not broken the promise. You see what I mean?)

While I’m away, thanks to the miracle of technology, I thought I’d schedule a blog post to go out so that you don’t miss me too much. ;-p And also to test this miracle of technology for the first time. And since I am by nature slightly suspicious of technology, I am going to send you something that won’t break my heart if it fails to go out at the precise moment when I plan it to – you never know. (*I* never know.) Should that happen, I promise that I will re-send it when I come back. It is, my friends, beautifully stunning.

So for your visual astonishment and delight, I present to you, Ladies and Gentlemen, a calligraphic extravaganza on Lilac Wine. It’s from the BL:ND website – not one of the usual YouTube, Vimeo, etc, so I can’t (read: “don’t know how to – yet”) embed it here, but click on the link and the video will open in a new window.

Believe me, your life will be better for having seen it.

When it wanders off, make sure it knows how to come back though!

Only joking. Letting your mind wander is good for you, it says so in a very serious study called Handbook of Imagination and Mental Simulation. I didn’t stumble on this by chance, like I usually do – well, I did, but mainly I read this post here about how to become more creative, and then this led to that. The great seriousness of this book makes me chuckle, I like the contrast with the topic – letting our mind wander – an activity which we usually get told off for in school!

When I let my mind freewheel, I come up with new ideas, new solutions to old problems, lightbulb moments – but I’ve realised that for me it’s also deeply relaxing, a source of renewal for my soul (“soul nurturing”). Some of you may have heard/read me mention it before, I do my best mindwandering in water – either the bath or the shower. Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling is good too – with a paper and pen to hand I can jot down ideas to remember later, and then release them and stare some more. Staring is underrated. (Not at people. That’s rude. Into space, I mean). I don’t do running, and cycling in town demands too much attention for me to allow my mind off the leash. But staring, yes, that I can do!

Do you stare?
What do you do to let your mind wander, what’s your thing?
*Do* you let your mind wander? (Isn’t it time you did?)

I’m off for a week’s holiday today. I’m learning to protect my downtime (from myself and my tendency to work lots and lots). I won’t be checking emails, because I can’t where I’m going, and I will try and refrain from checking Facebook and Twitter also. This fits into my bigger scheme of “soul nurturing”, which I have started to work on just a couple of weeks ago, and which I shall tell you more about on my return. Till then, my dears, have fun, and remember to stare once in a while.

I’ve had to answer that question today: why do I do what I do? Not in a just-for-me-in-my-head-I-kinda-know way, more in a put-it-into-words-properly-for-someone-else-please. Well, whaddya know, writing about it has sure cleared up a few things in my head too.

But first, let me share this with you, it’s BRILLIANT: the Write or Die website. You enter your target number of words, your allocated time, and a couple of other parameters (you’ll have to explore those for yourself) and off you go. Pressure’s on! It’s excellent when you have to write a piece and you don’t know where to start. This forces you to make a start, any start, and keep going. Brain dump tends to occur, which means that sometimes you find ideas or truths in there that you hadn’t quite worked out consciously. You can then copy and paste it, to edit your piece into niceness. I used it to write this (below).

Here’s my answer to the above question. I rather like it.

I am on a personal journey. It’s all very hippy-dippy and oh-the-middle-class-suffering! But it’s about finding meaning, and a solution to the Big Questions: what’s the point? What am I here to do? I was a Buddhist for a while, and it provided some answers, but not all, and eventually I moved on to look at a bigger picture.

I do science because of my training, and I also do spirituality. I found that what I have learnt as I explored and grew has been useful to others when I have shared it. Also that I can save people a little bit of the time, and money, and pain that I have sometimes wasted (not really wasted… but I won’t go into that now) along the way, by sharing what has worked well for me.

I see things in a way other people don’t. I can put different systems together and see how the result works better or makes more sense than the sum of the parts. I can write, I like words. I can draw when I put my mind to it. I enjoy public speaking.

I also found, along the way, that serving is important to me – helping others, touching others’ lives. So it seems natural to be doing what I’m doing – it’s only sharing with others what I’ve worked out for myself. It’s all relative, mind. There are people much more sorted and centred than me. And some much less, too. I’m not bad, considering, and if I can help other people take one step along their way, then that’s worthwhile.

In a nutshell, when I do what I do, the Big Questions don’t needle me so much. That’s why I do it.

And on that note my dears, have a great weekend. I’m going to beaver away at my 2011 Moon Diary project. I’ll tell you more about it another time.